Singing the blues...

[Cacophonix]

I am a great fan of the blues and can even sing them when in my cups. A good friend forwarded this excellent exegesis on singing the blues and who can or can't sing them.

How to sing the blues

1. Most blues begin, "Woke up this morning".
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line, such as, "I got a good woman with the meanest dog in town".
3. The blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes ... sort of, "Got a good woman with the meanest dog in town. He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and he weigh 500 pound".
4. The blues are not about limitless choice. Blues cars are Chevys and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is a greyhound bus or a southbound train. BMWs and Mazdas just don't cut it.
5. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues 'adulthood' means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Hamilton, Ontario, or Vancouver, BC. Hard times in Saskatchewan or Nova Scotia is just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City and Tallahassee are still the best places to have the blues.
8. The following colours do not belong in the blues: tangerine, beige and mauve.
9. You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong.
10. Good places for the blues are the highway, the jailhouse, and an empty bed. Bad places are gallery openings and weekends away.
11. No-one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man, and you slept in it.
12. Do you have the right to sing the blues? Yes, if your first name is a southern US state (like Georgia), you're blind, you shot a man in Memphis, and you can't be satisfied. No, if you were once blind but now can see, you're deaf, or you have a trust fund.
13. Neither Celine Dion nor Anne Murray is permitted to sing the blues.
14. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues. Other blues beverages are wine, Irish whisky, and muddy water. The following are NOT blues beverages: any mixed drink, any wine kosher for Passover, and Snapple (all flavours).
15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an emergency. But it is not a blues death if you die during liposuction.
16. Some blues names for women are Sadie, Big Mama, and Bessie.
17. Some blues names for men are Joe, Willie, Little Willie, Big Willie, and Lightning.
18. Persons with names like Autumn, Sequoia, and Rainbow will not be permitted to sing the blues, no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
19. Other blues names are composed of the following elements: the name of a physical infirmity (blind, cripple, etc), the first name (see above) plus the name of a fruit (lemon, lime, kiwi, etc), and the last name of a president (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc). For example, Blind Lemon Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore.
20. You can't sing the blues if you are gay. Show tunes, yes. Blues, no.

http://www.brooksbluesbar.co.uk/how%20to%20sing%20the%20blues.htm

[bbvideo=560,315]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhrqZP_qVyU[/bbvideo]

Caco (Christmas blues, woke up this morning, my wife was dead, Santa's reindeer had stood on her head etc.)...