Friday Jokes

[Woody]

Can’t believe that you’ve been to Sunderland Cape

[Capetonian]

I used to work all over the country at one time, visiting such delightful places as Sunderland, although I stayed in Roker as Sunderland is a real dump. I think the worst places I had to go to were in Swindon, Bracknell, Slough, Accrington, Runcorn, and Milton Keynes.

My Dad was from the north-east and although there are no longer any family connections, it's a part of the country I enjoy.

[Sisemen]

[Capetonian]

I need a drink to erase that ghastly vision. In fact, a lot of drinks.

[Slasher]

That can’t be DA. The pic is, though really ghastly, that of a woman in the very strictest sense.

Diane Abbott is a horrible obese apelike black...thing.

[Pontius Navigator]

I used to work all over the country at one time, visiting such delightful places as Sunderland, although I stayed in Roker as Sunderland is a real dump. I think the worst places I had to go to were in Swindon, Bracknell, Slough, Accrington, Runcorn, and Milton Keynes.

You obviously tried very hard to pput that itinerary together. I tried to find MK once, can't think why. Once I managed to break in off the ring road I searched for the old centre. FAIL.

[Pontius Navigator]

That can’t be DA. The pic is, though really ghastly, that of a woman in the very strictest sense.

Diane Abbott is a horrible obese apelike black...thing.

Very subtle there Slasher

[OFSO]

#4022 In order to preserve everyone's sanity, not to mention having to wipe up pools of vomit, please don't post pictures like that directly to ON, just post a link with health warning. You know it makes sense !

[ricardian]

Proceed independently

[ricardian]

[llondel]

I used to work all over the country at one time, visiting such delightful places as Sunderland, although I stayed in Roker as Sunderland is a real dump. I think the worst places I had to go to were in Swindon, Bracknell, Slough, Accrington, Runcorn, and Milton Keynes.

My Dad was from the north-east and although there are no longer any family connections, it's a part of the country I enjoy.

BrackNull used to be quite a nice place when I lived there, but it was going downhill by the time I left.

As for MK, isn't that where they store the country's supply of spare roundabouts? I did once go past on the A421 while listening to Bat Out Of Hell, made it all the way through before it finished, too. 6.7 miles, 7 minutes, 13 roundabouts (although they've stored a few more along there since then).

[llondel]

I used to work all over the country at one time, visiting such delightful places as Sunderland, although I stayed in Roker as Sunderland is a real dump. I think the worst places I had to go to were in Swindon, Bracknell, Slough, Accrington, Runcorn, and Milton Keynes.

You obviously tried very hard to pput that itinerary together. I tried to find MK once, can't think why. Once I managed to break in off the ring road I searched for the old centre. FAIL.

I had the opposite problem with Coventry, had to drive round and round the ring road trying to get out. Eventually I achieved escape velocity.

[Capetonian]

I remember trying to find my way to a hotel in Bracknell, eventually succeeding, and wishing I hadn't. The next afternoon it took me ages to escape, missed exits on roundabouts, ring roads, one way systems. This was before the days of Satnav.

[ian16th]

Swindon, Bracknell, Slough, Accrington, Runcorn, and Milton Keynes.

Pleased to say, I've never spent a night in any of these towns.

The worst was VW UK head office was in MK, and I had to visit occasionally.

[ricardian]

I had to attend an interview for a job with GCHQ at Bletchley Park in 1971 (before the secret was out!). It was a pleasant drive through countryside but I was puzzled by all the signs at apparently random intervals bearing cryptic markings. I later found out that they were laying out the road scheme for Milton Keynes and that building had not yet commenced. When I eventually joined BP in 1973 Milton Keynes was well under way and another course at BP in 1980 found MK fully developed!

[ricardian]

Drive safely!

[ricardian]

Nowt to do wi' Christmas!

[Capetonian]

This will be known to at least one of our members!

Capture.JPG (71.57 KiB) Viewed 262 times

Interviewer (John Cleese): Ah Mr... Mr Leyton do come in. Please sit down and make yourself at home. Good, so you are interested in joining the secret service are you?

Interviewer: Can you keep a secret?

Mr Leyton: Yes.

Interviewer: Good, well you're in then, well done, well done. Now, one small thing I noticed back here, where are we? Ah yes, your middle name is Olbalinskavichski, not Russian are you?

Mr Leyton: Yes.

Interviewer: You are Russian?

Mr Leyton: Yes.

Interviewer: Well that's no good we don't want Russkies in the secret service, it wouldn't be secret, out you go then.

[ricardian]

Quite seasonal

[ricardian]

Yorkshire Christmas Poem. By Diane Marie Taylor.

Santa is a Yorkshireman
Of this I'm fairly sure
I heard him tiptoe in my room
At roughly Ten to four

"I 'ope tha's fast asleep" he said
"Or tha'll get nowt my lad"
He smelled of Hi Karate
(Must av pinched it from my dad)

Just down stairs I'd left a treat
Santa loves a beer
He loves pork pies and single malt
That was Dad's idea

When I woke next morning
I ran down stairs to see
If Santa had been kind enough
To leave gifts under t'tree

He got our mam a Nightie
And a pair of china pigs
Our dad got socks and undies
And 200 park lane cigs

My sister got a Barbie
Sat on a plastic horse
A One Direction annual
Which she loved of course

When I unwrapped my parcels
My Yorkshire heart did sing
Each gift that Santa gave me
A truly wondrous thing

A flat cap for my noggin
A vest of finest string
The ferret keepers handbook
Each gift fit for a king

So thank you Santa thank you
You surely are a tyke
But can you please remember
Next year I'd like a bike