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To stay out of hot water when brewing a pun it is best to use subtle tea.

It wouldn't be Easter without a Hot Cross Nun.....

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

SO TRUE>

A hint for some readers in North America:
Hide speakers in your evangelical neighbour's garden so that you can play a recording of trumpets sounding when the eclipse starts

I once was sitting in a café in Évian les Bains when the waiter, upon seeing the town idiot on the other side of the road, turned on the PA and addressing the man by name, told him "this is your God speaking: fall to your knees and pray". Rather cruel in retrospect.

Science question #96:
If kinetic energy is converted to heat energy, how many slaps would it take to cook a 3lb chicken?

A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit "What'll you have?" The rabbit says "I dunno. I'm only here because of autocorrect."

British chap: I never knew that chickens could float or even swim!
Ffrench ffriend: Oui, c'est les swimming poules.

My friend says "Cheer up! It could be worse, you could be stuck in a deep hole full of water."
I know that he means well.

The ultimate Dad Joke:

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Hike.

Hike who?

Unsuspecting son.
Dad waiting with bated breath
Sets the perfect trap

Sorry, but I fail to understand the 'Hike' 'joke'.