Friday Jokes

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Haiku - Japanese 3 line poem with 5,7,5 syllables, which is the "Unsuspecting Son" bit which follows.

or

English Knock-knock joke
Cunningly hides more ancient
Japanese Haiku

[ricardian]

I'm taking the wine box back and filing a complaint!
On the box it said that once opened it would last for 6 weeks - but it was all gone within 6 hours

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

My first was a lovely escort in red, handled nicely and could really go if revved up.
I don't remember my first car.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

ban-pre-shredded-cheese-300x225.jpg (15 KiB) Viewed 550 times

[ricardian]

"Was it closed?" is not the best thing to say to your wife when she gets home after a day at the Beauty Salon.

[Malvernian]

Re first car, Austin A40. She need to be hand cranked now and again but went well once started

[OFSO]

Like my first girlfriend.

[ricardian]

I was walking in the jungle (as you do) and I saw a lizard on his hind legs, telling jokes.
I turned to a local tribesman and remarked "That lizard's really funny!" to which he replied "That's not a lizard, it's a stand-up chameleon."

[G-CPTN]

Boom boom tish!

[Woody]

He was framed

[ExSp33db1rd]

Are first cars a joke ? but since we're 'ere the first car I ever drove, and passed my one and only driving test on, Worldwide, was a 1936 Morris 8, also needing the occsional handcrank, but the first car I ever bought was a Minor 1,000, soon superceded by the then new design Morris 1,000 Convertible, probably the nicest car I've ever owned,sadly written off, and almost myself with it, by a rogue lorry driving down the wrong side of the road, and leaving me nowhere to go. However, the Convertible top made it easy for the rescue services to lift us out instead of having to try and drag us through the crumpled doors. Once up and about again I replaced it with a Mini Countryman, to which I added a screen to the top of the back seat, thereby giving the dog his own space at the back !

[John Hill]

Riley '2 and a half'. It had been a very nice car but it was rather sad when it came in to my hands.

[EA01]

A canary yellow Chrysler Sigma.....

(Aviation content...the owners book showed a silhouette of a couple standing by their sigma with a 747-100 in the background...)

[ricardian]

Who is Sunny Hostin?

[Boac]

Never mind who she is suppose she is right! Is she a Chump supporter?

I mean - a succession of total eclipse all over the world and global temperatures will drop catastrophically - oh - wait a minute.............

[admin2]

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=8534&p=389110#p389110 for more motoring stories

[Opsboi]

Wind turbines are heavy metal fans

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Working forwards they are a (Van Der Graaf) Generator, but if they spin backwards, they're a Motörhead

[ricardian]

A hiker, dishevelled, clearly shaken and out of breath, enters a remote Highland village pub.
"You won't believe this," he says to the landlord. "I've just been attacked by a leopard!"
"Really?" said the landlord.
"Yes!", replied the hiker. "A leopard in the Highlands of Scotland! It's quite incredible."
The hiker sits down, orders a double whisky and continues. "I tried to run, but of course, it was much faster than me."
The hiker downs his whisky in one and orders another.
"It sent me to the ground with a mighty push from its paws, but then - and this is really weird - it gave me a really, really sad look, turned around and trotted off."
"Ah, you've met Father Andrews," the landlord says, matter-of-factly.
"Whatever do you mean?" asks the hiker, confused.
"Father Andrews was our priest. A really kind-hearted man, loved by one and all. His only aim in life was to serve his congregation to the best of his ability. So, when one day he found a lamp with a genie who offered him 3 wishes; his very first wish was to be a loving shepherd to the community."
"That's nice," remarked the hiker. "He must have been a really kind man."
"Absolutely," said the landlord. "If only he hadn't been so prone to spoonerisms."

[Ex-Ascot]

No neither of us get that one.