Best and Worst Hotel Experiences

[Rwy in Sight]

If I had’ve been the chap I would’ve charged you a fiver for watching me woman’s tits.

Are you sure she was his woman?

[Slasher]

Well...the female who was bonking him at the time mate.

[Ex-Ascot]

The Captain's room was usually a suite so was always expected to be the party room. It got trashed, you couldn't go to bed when you wanted to and it cost to have it mucked out. I would usually give it to the flight eng or flight copper and take the next best room. We were in I think Grenada. The hotel complex was a group of chalets in fantastic gardens. I think that mine was two bedrooms a walk in wardrobe and enormous bathroom. The best part was the sitting room with a swimming pool which extended outside onto the patio. The flight eng didn't leave it for three days. It was a 24hr open free bar with him sitting by 'his' pool smoking cigars like Lord Muck.

When we had an ADC on board I always offered him my suite. He always declined.

[ExSp33db1rd]

Repeat ... Metropol, Moscow. My first visit, crew in Capt's room as described. discussing where to have breakfast next morning. Snr. stewardess declared that she always has it in her room. "Room Service" in Moscow ? " are you mad ?" No, I'll show you, follow me. Walked along to the Dragon Lady at the end of the corridor, managing, and watching, all that went on. It was like Joyce Grenfell's tale of two Matrons dancing bust to bust as ours faced off against theirs. "I want breakfast in room XXX at 8.30" she said and proceeded to give her order. D.L. opened a drawer and produced a pad and pen and noted it all down. "See" said Snr. Sdss. " s'easy. ". A steward then stepped forward and said "I'd like breakfast in room XXX .. " and before he could finish ... "Niet, 8.15," then we were all pointed to and assigned a different time.

At my appointed time I was still alseep, but my double locked door was burst open and a surly looking maid came in and plonked a tray down, then held her hand out for a tip. I realised that I was naked and pointed to my hat,in which I had deposited my wallet and a pile of change. She foraged around and held up a 2 shilling piece ( Florin, remember those ? ) I nodded and she walked out slamming the door after her.

On another trip I walked past the Dragon Lady, having preciously had nothing to do with this one, on the way to knock on the Captains door to see if he wanted to go out for breakfast ? (Only once ever tangled with Room Service !) The D.L. didn't look up from her writing, but as I passed said. " He has gone out for breakfast" She knew who I was and who I was going to visit without any words being exchanged, and in my opinion never having set eyes on me. Moscow was different.

[tango15]

Since this thread, of which I was not previously aware, has been mentioned, I shall add an anecdote of my own, but first, as myself a regular visitor to the Metropole post-glasnost, I imagine you're aware of the 'chandelier story' ExSp33db1rd?

My own (possibly) worst hotel experience - there were many - was in Ashkabad, Turkmenistan's capital, in 1991, whilst in the process of selling a 125 to the government. The rooms were extremely basic, and very small with just a single bed and small black and white TV which showed only three channels, all of them in Russian. (Turkmenistan has its own language). There were three floors, but no lifts; we were invariably placed on the third floor. There was only one phone in the whole hotel, and on the rare occasion we needed to make a call back to the UK, we had to book it four hours in advance, because it was routed via Moscow (of course), and the lines were limited. On one occasion, one of the colleagues placed a call and when it came through, it took them so long to send someone to tell us, that by the time he reached reception, they had cut the call. Breakfast was something else. Continental style, as a buffet. They would leave the windows to the cafeteria open (it did not have a restaurant - we were taken out to dinner each evening), whereupon the local bluebottles, of which there were many, would stack up like Heathrow on a Monday morning, anxious for their share of the buffet as well. Nobody seemed to care, so it was a daily occurrence.
One of the colleagues found a radio in his room, and somehow plugged it into the mains, whereupon there was a simultaneous bang and flash apparently, which cut the third floor off from electrickery for a few hours. We discovered later, that despite having an electrical cord attached to it, it was only meant to be operated with batteries, of which there were none, of course. The hotel was relatively clean, though all of us shared the rooms with some blattaria, but to nothing like the extent we did subsequently in Tashkent.
In my best Russian, and with a little bribery, I managed to persuade the Dragon Lady to give us a 'chill out' room, where we were given a samovar and occasionally sandwiches of salami or smoked sturgeon, which was probably the best food we ate there. It being a nominally Muslim country, there was no bar, but no shortage of vodka when we were taken out for the evenings. Something I thought I would never hear myself say was, 'I can't wait to get back to Moscow to a half-decent hotel!'

[Pontius Navigator]

I had a room on an hotel in India as a day rest. I borrowed a newspaper on which to lie. In the en suite I ran the water on the basin but before I could wash my hands a pair of antennae appeared put of the overflow. I departed.

[Pontius Navigator]

Best was the St Pierre Park in Guernsey. A dining room for 6 with lounge off and bedroom suite and bathroom off. There was also a corridor passed the guest toilet to the kitchen.

The Rock in Gibraltar was good and similar except it lacked a kitchen.

[OneHungLow]

Best was the St Pierre Park in Guernsey. A dining room for 6 with lounge off and bedroom suite and bathroom off. There was also a corridor passed the guest toilet to the kitchen.

The Rock in Gibraltar was good and similar except it lacked a kitchen.

+1

A good Hotel.

[tango15]

The Rock is one of my favourite hotels anywhere. The view from the balcony is fantastic for a ship-spotter like me, and it's a great walk downhill into town. The one thing that always confuses me though is the fact that it is the only British Colony where they drive on the wrong side of the road.

[PHXPhlyer]

So the wrong side of the road is the right side?

PP

[EA01]

As a child in the NSW town of 'Nambucca Heads' a motel room with carpet so wet it was practically up to the ankles.

A much missed airport Hotel is the 'Le Meridian' at the old 'Kai Tak'

Early 1990s there was a Hotel on the perimeter road of Heathrow....forget its name....no The Edwardian, fabulous place, there is a 'Radisson Blu' Edwardian there now, but not convinced it is the same place

Muong Thanh hotel in Ha Long Vietnam....a very long story but wound up in the presidential suite, 10ft floor to ceiling windows, more floor space than our house.

Royal Plaza in Mong Kok Hong Kong is a great hotel, and you can see (What's left of) the 'Checker Board'

Absolute eccentricity, not long back from the Bahamas.....'Towne Hotel' Nassau, complete with uncaged resident Macaw & a plywood cut out of a black 'waiter' in a pink & green 3 piece suit...

[John Hill]

Intercontinental Kabul, bullet(?) hole in bed head and candle for bedside lamp, 2000 (ish).

[John Hill]

[EA01]

I mentioned the 'Le Meridian' Kai Tak as it had a wonderful elevated but fully enclosed 'travelway' across to the terminal, fast forward 30+ years to the new Gold Coast Airport, complete with airport hotel, and you have to leave the building and go pt into the elements to cross a road to enter a terminal......terminaly stupid we are...

[Pontius Navigator]

The Rock is one of my favourite hotels anywhere. The view from the balcony is fantastic for a ship-spotter like me, and it's a great walk downhill into town. The one thing that always confuses me though is the fact that it is the only British Colony where they drive on the wrong side of the road.

I forgot, and the schooner of sherry on arrival.

[Smeagol]

In my travels probably the worst hotel was one in Bukittinggi, Sumatra, Indonesia where we once went for a 'holiday' trip from our oil camp. Room was basic but OK until it rained (and it does rain seriously in Sumatra) then the water streamed down all the walls and we had to move the bed to the centre of the room to try and keep it dry. Fun holiday.

Best was room 2212 in the SAS Hotel in Oslo. I lived there for several months after recently joining Brown & Root as a pretty junior engineer and was assigned to assist an engineering project in Olslo the day after I joined . Three of us commuted weekly from London and on our penultimate trip the one chap I became friendly with requested that as we had been long term guests we be assigned rooms 2211 & 2212 on our return the next week, these being the best two rooms in the hotel. These were on the top floor and had commanding views over Oslo with 2212 the better of the two as it was a corner room overlooking the park and the royal palace. I got 2212 and he got 2211!

[Pontius Navigator]

Smeaton, that would have been near the Slottsparken I guess. Of our international group I was the only one who took my wife. We were allocated the penthouse suite. It was fantastic. Breakfast was good but the breakfast room was boring in the extreme.

[1DC]

As a 17 year old going to join my first ship in Bahrein in the late fifties I spent a few days in the Speedbird Hotel. It was a great experience to a young lad but the fact that just across from my window was the nearest mosque was a bit of an awakener just before dawn on my first morning! If you left your shirt hanging about it was removed and came back washed and pressed later that day or first thing the next morning. I was surprised to find that all hotels were not like that!

[tango15]

The Rock is one of my favourite hotels anywhere. The view from the balcony is fantastic for a ship-spotter like me, and it's a great walk downhill into town. The one thing that always confuses me though is the fact that it is the only British Colony where they drive on the wrong side of the road.

I forgot, and the schooner of sherry on arrival.

No longer, sadly. They withdrew that facility a few years ago, I think to maybe help pay for the long overdue but successful refurbishment.

[OneHungLow]

Such hotels... but in the worst of it there's decency, kindness and humanity. Just like life!