Limerick Thread

[Hydromet]

A mathematician named Hall
Had a dodecahedronal ball.
The cube of its weight
Plus his todger times eight
Was five eighths of four fifths of his phone number, give him a call. (An altenative last line is available.)

[OFSO]

To his bride said the linyx-eyed detective
"Can it be that my eyesight's defective ?
Has your east t*t the least bit
The best of your west t*t
Or is it a trick of perspective ?"

[Smeagol]

There was a young curate named Binns
Who said he like women and things
But his real desire
Was a boy in the choir
With an arse like jelly on springs.

[Hydromet]

From deep in the crypt of St. Giles
Came a scream that echoed for miles.
Said the vicar "Good gracious,"
"Has Brother Ignatius"
"Forgotten the Bishop has piles."

[Opsboi]

There was a young man from Rhyl
Who swallowed a nuclear pill
His sexual organ they found in Glamorgan,
His balls on a tree in Brazil

[Hydromet]

There was a young lady named Hall
Who went to a birth control ball.
She was loaded with pessaries
And lots of accessories
But she got no takers at all.

[OFSO]

There was a young lady called Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And parts of her a*sehole in Dallas

[Smeagol]

The jolly old Bishop of Birmingham
F*cked three girls whilst confirming 'em
As they knelt seeking God
He excited his rod
And pumped his episcopal sperm in 'em

With apologies to any Bishops of Birmingham past or present.

[OFSO]

While walking my dog on a lea'd
I felt a quick urge, so I pee'd
The dog saw a cat
And took off after that
And down both my legs I then wee'd.

[John Hill]

I drove me ute around Downunda
saw Ularu it was a wonder
stopped for a meal
at Camoweal
then up the road I had a chunder!

[OFSO]

Hairy Harry is our postman (1)
He rides an electric bike (2)
He goes too fast
To stop at our house (3)
At nine tenths of the speed of light (4)

1: true
2: true
3: true
4: not true

[OFSO]

A young lady who claimed to be pure
Was dropped by a Lancaster o'the Ruhr
The Feldwebel who found her
Had a coat made of mink fur
And was using Meine Kampf as a lure

(to be continued)

[probes]

Mein Kampf didn't work out quite well
For t'was sent to the poor boy to tell
The fake joke, you mind

[OFSO]

Mein Kampf didn't work out quite well
For t'was sent to the poor boy to tell
The fake joke, you mind
Left the sceptics far behind
And father flat the frog prank just fell

[OFSO]

With a quizzical expression my aunt
Thrust her nose in a flowering plant
As she sniffed somewhat deeply
I jibed - rather cheaply -
"If you think you'll get stoned, why you can't !"

[Boac]

Spring is sprung.
The grass is riz.
I wonder where dem birdies is?
The bird is on the wing they say.
But that's absurd - the wing is on the bird.

[OFSO]

It's unseasonably warm here in Spain
The heat at midday is a pain
It gets cold at night
For the duvet, we fight
I'm sure it will soon freeze again.

[Pinky the pilot]

Just to lower the tone somewhat;

There was a young Lady from Kew
Who filled her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin, If they pay to get in
They'll pay to get out of it too!

[Hydromet]

There was a young lass from Baroda
Who bilt an erotic pagoda.
The walls of the halls
Were hung with the balls
And the tools of the fools who bestrode her.

[OFSO]

There was a young man from Hong Kong
Who'd frequently sing a rude song
About German officers, Schwein
Who were crossing the Rhine
But he claimed they had done nothing wrong.