Misread, misheard, misunderstood

[probes]

to start with:
Widows Security Patches (should have the apostrophe somewhere, though )

[A Lutra Continua]

...Widows...

Might even try the letter 'N'.

[Blacksheep]

It's just an example of Muphry's Law

[limeygal]

As a nipper, I was always mishearing things. I told my parents I was performing in the school concert and we were singing "Old Don McBray." My folks were a bit confused when this song didn't appear on the programme. Apparently, it was called "Alderman Grey." No one seemed to notice I was singing all the wrong words.

[Blacksheep]

"...S'cuse me while I kiss this guy..." as Jimi was once heard to say.

[david1300]

The ants are my friends, they're blowing in the wind ...

[frostbite]

It's a hard egg

Bonnie Tyler

[limeygal]

Spare him his life from his mum's sausages-Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody

[Mrs Ex-Ascot]

Complaining to a friend about tourists going shopping wearing their swimwear and how they wouldn't do that in Paris; said friend said " but they do it all the time on the island of Paros!

[msdad2]

"With a roof rack over over our heads" Bob Marley - Is This Love.

[OFSO]

I used to love that hymn about an optically-challenged Ursus:

"Gladly, the cross-eyed bear"

[Chuks]

Ian and Sylvia: "If I get there before the snowflies ... "

[Wodrick]

Last night I dreamt of some bagles - Madge

[Dushan]

You found a fine time to leave me Lucille
Four hundred kids and a crop in the field...

[Stoneboat]

There's a bathroom on the rise or conversely
There's a bathroom on the right.
Fogarty used to sing that last line at concerts occasionally.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Be'elzebub has a devil for a sideboard - Jasper Carrott spotted that one, also in Bohemian Rhapsody.

[Tall Bird]

Chuks I had to look up Four Strong Winds to check I'd not been singing the wrong lyrics all these years! Granted it is two words though.

The oft mentioned 'when I called you last night from Tesco' sung by Abba.

During a holiday in India, in an allegedly a dry state, we ran out of gin. I asked the owner of our accommodation where a bottle could be purchased. He was very helpful indicating there would be no problem but his questions about type etc became increasingly bizarre. It then dawned on me he was talking about jeans.

[A Lutra Continua]

Somewhere over the rainbow, weigh a pie...

[jimtherev]

Big horse, I made you mine

[frostbite]

A friend phoned and invited me to a party at the Kinky Newt on Canvey Island.

I was a bit late arriving at the King Canute.