spoonerism......loving shepherd v shoving leopard....
Friday Jokes
- CharlieOneSix
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5138
- Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2015 12:58 pm
- Location: NE Scotland
- Gender:
- Age: 79
Re: Friday Jokes
The helicopter pilots' mantra: If it hasn't gone wrong then it's just about to...
https://www.glenbervie-weather.org
https://www.glenbervie-weather.org
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 6398
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 81
Re: Friday Jokes
The truth, as so many of us will attest....
In the beginning was the Plan. And then came the Assumptions. And the Assumptions were without form. And the Plan was without substance.
And darkness was upon the face of the Rank and File. And they spoke amongst themselves, saying, ''It is a crock of sh1t, and it stinketh.''
And the Corporals went unto their Sergeants and said, ''It is a pail of dung, and none may abide the odour thereof.''
And the Sergeants went unto their SWO, saying, ''It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide it.''
And the SWO went unto the Adjutant, saying, ''It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength.''
And the Adjutant spoke amongst his fellows, agreeing, ''It contains that which aids growth, and it is very strong.''
And the Officers went unto their 2 i/c, saying unto him, ''It promotes growth, and it is very powerful.''
And the 2 i/c went unto his CO, saying unto him, ''This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigour of the Station, with powerful effects.''
And the CO looked upon the Plan, and saw that it was good.
And the Plan became Policy.
This is how Sh1t Happens..
In the beginning was the Plan. And then came the Assumptions. And the Assumptions were without form. And the Plan was without substance.
And darkness was upon the face of the Rank and File. And they spoke amongst themselves, saying, ''It is a crock of sh1t, and it stinketh.''
And the Corporals went unto their Sergeants and said, ''It is a pail of dung, and none may abide the odour thereof.''
And the Sergeants went unto their SWO, saying, ''It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide it.''
And the SWO went unto the Adjutant, saying, ''It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength.''
And the Adjutant spoke amongst his fellows, agreeing, ''It contains that which aids growth, and it is very strong.''
And the Officers went unto their 2 i/c, saying unto him, ''It promotes growth, and it is very powerful.''
And the 2 i/c went unto his CO, saying unto him, ''This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigour of the Station, with powerful effects.''
And the CO looked upon the Plan, and saw that it was good.
And the Plan became Policy.
This is how Sh1t Happens..
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 6398
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 81
Re: Friday Jokes
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death I remind myself that you can't always trust Google maps.
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
- Woody
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 10625
- Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2015 6:33 pm
- Location: Sir Kenny Dalglish Stand
- Age: 60
Re: Friday Jokes
When all else fails, read the instructions.
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 6398
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 81
Re: Friday Jokes
Cats have a long history of annoying the human race
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
-
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 6398
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 81
Re: Friday Jokes
Cats can be SO over dramatic at times!
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 6398
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 81
Re: Friday Jokes
I scared some Jehovah's Witnesses today by going to the door stark naked. I'm not sure what scared them more, me being naked or the fact that I knew where they lived.
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5400
- Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2015 5:47 am
- Location: The South Island, New Zealand
Re: Friday Jokes
You did not forget why you walked into the room.
You walked in on an alien, and he erased your mind so he could escape!
You walked in on an alien, and he erased your mind so he could escape!
'An accident to the boot-oil,' I explained. 'If I get down to my last three shirts you will notice it.'
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5400
- Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2015 5:47 am
- Location: The South Island, New Zealand
Re: Friday Jokes
To all the people who said I'd never amount to anything because of my procrastination:
just you wait.
just you wait.
'An accident to the boot-oil,' I explained. 'If I get down to my last three shirts you will notice it.'
- Woody
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 10625
- Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2015 6:33 pm
- Location: Sir Kenny Dalglish Stand
- Age: 60
Re: Friday Jokes
When all else fails, read the instructions.
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 6398
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 81
Re: Friday Jokes
Husband:
Wife:When I die, I'd like to die making love.
At least we know it'll be quick.
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
- Ex-Ascot
- Test Pilot
- Posts: 13766
- Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2015 7:16 am
- Location: Botswana but sometimes Greece
- Gender:
- Age: 68
Re: Friday Jokes
Glenn Bradley, Head of Flight Operations and the UK Civil Aviation Authority, said: 'Aviation is one of the safest forms of air travel'.
'Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.' Sir Winston Churchill.
Re: Friday Jokes
You can see why he got the job..................
Re: Friday Jokes
I had a question about what our parents did before they had access to the Internet. I asked my 26 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.
- Woody
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 10625
- Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2015 6:33 pm
- Location: Sir Kenny Dalglish Stand
- Age: 60
Re: Friday Jokes
Just been to see Benny from maintenance in hospital. He was putting up one of those boards that tell you have many days since the last accident and it fell on him.
When all else fails, read the instructions.
Re: Friday Jokes
All pilots take note!
- Ex-Ascot
- Test Pilot
- Posts: 13766
- Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2015 7:16 am
- Location: Botswana but sometimes Greece
- Gender:
- Age: 68
Re: Friday Jokes
Roger.
'Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.' Sir Winston Churchill.