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I handed over my photographic "proof of identity" at the Post Office and the counter clerk said "You've aged since this was taken!"
To which I replied "Yes, I had it taken before I joined this bloody queue!"

I put out stuff for the birds - fat mixed in with porridge oats and whatever else is surplus. The starlings spent most of their time squabbling whilst the smaller birds - robins, sparrows, etc - nip in and eat their fill. There are blackbirds but they seem quite shy and reticent to approach. The fus...

Preparing for arrival of the General Election bumph

My friend's 3 year old daughter was terrified of thunder until my friend told her that it was just the sky farting. Now whenever her daughter hears thunder she just giggles

Those of a certain age will recognise the source for this item

My friend's nickname is "The Computer". It has nothing to do with his intelligence, he goes to sleep if left unattended for 10 minutes.

A policeman was patrolling a rural area. At nearly midnight, he sees a couple in a car, on Lovers' Lane, with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a yo...

I've been watching my weight. It's still there.

When we moved to this remote island (Stronsay, Orkney) in 2004 we were still on BT dial-up but primitive broadband in the form of the BT "frog" arrived a year or so later. Because of the island's telephone exchange we were never going to get anywhere near the theoretical max of 7.5 Mbs but we gritt...

When we moved to this remote island (Stronsay, Orkney) in 2004 we were still on BT dial-up but primitive broadband in the form of the BT "frog" arrived a year or so later. Because of the island's telephone exchange we were never going to get anywhere near the theoretical max of 7.5 Mbs but we gritte...

British Pathe - Aphrodite's Island
My best overseas tour 1965-67 at Akrotiri. 4 watches covering 24/7 so no nasty station duties to bother us.

Albert Einstein was a genius but his brother, Frank, created a monster

What could possibly go wrong?

Teacher: Give me a sentence using the words defence, defeat and detail.

Student: When a horse jumps over defence, defeat goes before detail.

My friend was parked outside an Aldi waiting for his wife to finish shopping. He was watching a woman who couldn't remember where she parked. Every time she held her remote in the air, he honked his horn.